ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize