At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
