You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
