My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
