This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
