I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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