eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
