So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
