I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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