i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
