youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
