I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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