You made me cry and you don't even care
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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