I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
