Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
