I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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