wakey wakey hands off snakey
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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