How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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