hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
