You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
