i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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