I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
