fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
