they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
