Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
