I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
