Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
