Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
