if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
