Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
