Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
