you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
