just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Alive.
So much puke
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
