We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
