Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
