I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
