nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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