ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
