i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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