Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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