I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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