ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
