My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
