I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
