His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
