Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
