it's too hot outside to masturbate.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
