I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
