hotel room ftw
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
