"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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