apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
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everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
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Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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