I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
