it wasn't lemon gatorade
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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