I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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