I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
