I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
