Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
