Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Please don't give away my fajitas
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
And then he peed in my hair
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