my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
