So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You had me at "let me see your balls"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
