just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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