I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
