I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
