apparently the secret to your success is patron
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
